Us
by Anti-social-psyche
Summary: "What are you afraid of?" There are a million reasons why her question is so vague, mostly because I am afraid of anything and everything, of possibility and disappointment, of being destroyed, and of giving this girl the sheer power to destroy me. The truth about desperate love and filling voids that cannot be filled...Rated M, All Human, Angst
1. Guppies and Boards

**DISCLAIMER: TWILIGHT IS NOT OURS**

**~read and review~**

**This story will be in multiple pov's.**

**From time to time we will switch between characters but we promise it won't get confusing. **

**(Nautica will always write Edward's POV and Nadiya will always write for Bella's POV)**

* * *

**MY BOY**

**~EDWARD POV~**

_Dear Dr. Cullen,_

_I still hate you. __But you did teach me something useful. You can't make a change until you take a step. We all have to start somewhere..._

_Sincerely,_

_Edward C._

**O****NE YEAR AGO**

**CHAPTER ONE:**

I am walking down a snow-covered road, fluttering flakes blanket the tarnished asphalt beneath my feet with a kind warmth that one would not expect from the freezing form of water. This coldness gives me comfort, perhaps because solitude is more reachable during the winter. People are a lot less likely to talk to you if their teeth are chattering in rhythms they cannot control, with hands that seem to feel the bitter wrath of frost, and breath that swirl icy halos around your face. - People are a lot less likely to bother.

Well, some people…

"Ej." I turn my head, but only slightly, towards the sound of my name being called.

There is no disruption in the timed pace of my footsteps. I still leave a lonely print in the white every time I count to three from one. I keep my head filled with the sound of repeating numbers to stop the poison from leaking inside. I don't want to be disturbed by bothersome people today. There is a reason why I chose to walk to school this morning.

"Hey, Ej! Wait up."

I still do not slow, I refuse to lose my count, and just a half a step late will result in the detriment of my number barrier. If my numbers are disturbed I will be poisoned by the negativity my morning thoughts seem to be pulsating with. And there goes any chances of me getting through this day without the continuous fluctuation of my moods.

The sound of realization reaches my ears from the hastening of my pursuer's footsteps. Exertion is increased with his hurry to walk alongside me. I am still counting and he is just a few feet behind, probably covering my own footsteps before the falling snow would have a chance to fill them.

"I knocked on your door. Jasper told me that you didn't want to ride the bus today and you left your skateboard at home so I knew you were walking."

There are a multitude of questions that I am aching to ask him right now, an abundance of answers that I deserve but know I will not receive. I went out of my way to be alone this morning, so what kind of person with even just a single shred of consideration would deliberately track me down to ruin such a rarity called aloneness? My mood is a canvas of white neutrality and with this interruption comes the droplets of black that will paint the picture of anger onto my face. He gives no regard to the unwelcome expression I wear for him. He doesn't care or perhaps he's just sadly oblivious.

"Dude, why weren't you at the park on Saturday?"

His voice is a mechanism of curiosity, nonchalance is his aim though I'm pretty sure that he's actually dying to know my excuse for being absent on such an important day.

"Dimitri brought his video camera and we all took turns making videos. I emailed my video to a few companies that are looking for skaters to sponsor. Masen told me that someone watched his video and emailed him back."

There are a few things that I want to say to him, things that I want to explain, but my mind is telling me that I am void of patience at this point. I want to keep things simple and easily comprehensible; I take a quick moment to consider my choice of words before reciting them.

"Masen lied to you Tyler."

"How do you know?" He sends a lopsided smile my way, as if I'd just told him something that he was already aware of.

"Because Jasper didn't pay the internet bill." I'm looking straight ahead, watching the corner that we are approaching. "There is no way Masen could have emailed his video if our internet is off and Jasper doesn't get paid until next week. He didn't even pay the electric bill yet."

"Oh, that reminds me…" His smile diminishes, right along with the enthusiasm in his voice. There aren't a lot of things that can successfully pull seriousness through his coated demeanor; he is the definition of indifference.

I am not as curious as I am sure of what I know is going to come out of his mouth next.

"My mom got a new boyfriend."

"What happened to the Plummer?" I glance at him just in time to witness an ounce of sadness flash across the emotion in his eyes. Tyler is like me but only in certain ways. He doesn't like to show what goes on inside of his head; emotional display is a last resort. He would rather everyone just think that he is happy all the time and the reason for that is entirely his. My supreme respect for privacy will never allow me to actually ask him. We all have our reasons and if he wanted to tell me his he would have done so by now.

"She found out that he has a younger brother." Tyler looks at me with a wryness that is not misplaced. "He's an electrician."

This brings a short smile to both of our mouths, not because the situation is amusing but because of the irony of it all.

"How long did she tell you to stay away this time?"

Tyler and I have similar lives but only in certain ways. To be truthful, we both have voids within us that only the presence of a mother would suffice to fill. His mother feels worthless without a man by her side, shunning her own son to gain the acceptance of people who could care less about her, and that is how I relate to Tyler so easily.

"She wants the house to herself until Sunday night."

My head is down, eyes focused on my feet. Something like compassion surges throughout me completely and I feel for Tyler because I know exactly how he feels. We are near the front of the school now. The sound of people with early morning happiness reaches my ears before the sound of Tyler's desolate sigh does.

"We don't have any food at the house. Jasper won't go grocery shopping until he knows that we'll have enough for rent on Friday."

"That's cool." The corner of Tyler's mouth twitches, and his smile is full-blown the next second. "I snagged a fifty from her purse before I left. I can buy us pizza tonight."

He is back to his usual, indifferent self. Every one of our classmates will see this constructed side of him that he decides to display. I am the only one who will know that through his smile and the too bright light in his eyes, in his head something quite different is going on.

This is where the two of us will have to depart, because my first period is in building A and neither one of us want to get an afterschool detention for being late to class again. This is also where I tend to shut down. There is an error within me that causes my moods to plummet whenever I am surrounded around people. I get uncomfortable but only in certain situations...

"Why didn't you call me back Ej?"

I have not been seated in class for an entire minute yet. My mind hasn't even been given the chance to settle and I am already being bothered again. I raise my eyes in slowness; to meet those of crystal blue sincerity, glossed lips pulled into the kind of smile I've seen far too many times before, and the confidence of flirtation that goes with the twirling and un-twirling of golden blonde tresses.

"Jessica and I wanted you to come hang out with us Friday night."

There is a silence between us; shorter than the distance her face is from mine as she leans over my desk. I take half of a second to consider my choice of words for her.

"Perhaps I was busy."

There is no change in the expression on her face. She shows no proper response to the dryness of my tone. I do not wonder how she cannot tell that I don't want to talk to her. I have long realized that Tanya and her group of too beautiful friends have nothing but air inside of their heads. Sadly, they are only good for one thing.

"Were you busy?"

"No."

I watch for a change of something on her pretty face and a brief moment of confusion is the first thing I detect. I like playing mind games with people's minds but only because most people never figure out how to win them. It would be pointless if everyone knew the rules; then I wouldn't get the gratification of seeing them bewilder their selves with trying to figure me out.

It is the only way that I can make them leave me alone and that is all I've ever wanted.

To be left alone…

"Why didn't you answer my call then?"

"My cell phone bill isn't paid. My phone probably won't be on none this month."

I do not look at her when I say this. My eyes never lie. I'm telling her the truth but I think I've just lied by omission as well. I do not tell her that I wouldn't have answered the call even if my phone was on. She doesn't need to know that.

"Well, do you want to hang out afterschool? My parents are in Madrid for the week."

I hold back a grimace of disgust that threatens to devour my facial features. It's not all Tanya's fault that she doesn't respect herself. It's her parent's fault for neglecting the instalment of morals at a young age, it's her friend's fault for encouraging her behavior, and it's my fault for showering her with attention when she'd previously thrown herself at me.

"Tyler and I are going to the park today."

"I can meet you up there."

There are two types of people in the world: People who can read between the lines and people who need every single thing spelled out for them. Tanya wouldn't have taken my hint even if I'd gone to the front of the classroom and yelled it at her. I don't want to have sex with her but she will not take my no for an answer.

"I have to stay afterschool for credit recovery, and then I have to go pick my niece and nephew up from school. When I get to the park I'm going to be there all day and I'm going to be really focused on my skating. I'm trying to get sponsored before I graduate."

"I forgot you were a grade ahead of me." Her lips form a wry smile. "Are you sure you're even going to graduate? You missed like the whole second semester last year."

It also isn't her fault that she is insensitive because she doesn't even know that she's being insensitive. She doesn't know why I almost dropped out of school last year and she doesn't know that thinking about it rips open a fresh batch of wounds.

I still can't quite stop myself from hating her though.

"That's why I'm taking credit recovery classes afterschool and night classes on Wednesdays."

"Oh." She nods her head as if she understands my dilemma. She doesn't. "Well, you know where I live. You can stop by anytime you want."

Silence falls among us again and I am never as happy to see our teacher walk into the classroom as I am today. He instructs Tanya to take her seat and when he turns towards us I first take notice of the girl that is standing beside him. Her entire demeanor reeks of the new student stench. Her eyes are trained on either the floor or the navy blue converse on her feet.

She won't look her new classmates in their eyes because she's afraid of seeing the judgement brewing inside of them. She is nervous to be the outsider; to have all of the attention on her...

But since she is absolutely typical she won't have to worry about the attention lingering on her. Tomorrow her new classmates will have forgotten her completely.

"This is Isabella." Our teacher introduces her as a burden. His voice alerts me of his disinterest. He's done this one hundred and one times before, he's just as bored with this wonderfully typical girl as I am. She is just another student to him that takes up space. "I hope that you all will make her feel welcome."

Our teacher tells the Isabella girl to choose herself a seat. The class is pretty full which limits the amount of seats that she can actually decide from. I happen to be one of the few lucky individuals sitting alone and my table is nearest to the front of class. It does not surprise me when her eyes stop sweeping the classroom after she spots my table. I take her first step in my direction as a resignation of my solitude. This girl has made me despise her and she hasn't even spoken a single word to me. In fact, she doesn't speak for the entire class period.

She sits beside me, in a silence that I openly welcome...

**~ISABELLA POV~**

I didn't want to move again.

I gave my parents one more chance to take delicate care of what was left of my trust, and it took no time for them to completely demolish it as best as they knew how. I gave them my last shred of hope, despite myself and what my mind already knew would happen. I made myself believe that they wouldn't fuck everything up again but as usual they disappointed me. I am a pessimist. I have to be for the sake of myself.

"Bella." It just now occurs to me that my father has been trying to get my attention for some time now. "Don't you hear your mother talking to you?"

"No." I don't look up to see those stern brown eyes boring into me. I know that he's staring at me because I can feel the heat of his gaze on my face.

I push burnt scrambled eggs around my breakfast plate. I try not to sneer at the aroma it gives off. Renee is not the cooking type. She doesn't prepare breakfast for her husband and teenage daughter on their first big day at a new school and job. It really isn't as thoughtful of a mother's gesture as it may seem. This is just her way of apologizing to Charlie and I without actually having to admit that everything is all her fault. It's always all her fucking fault.

"I wanted to know if you were excited about your first day at school Bella." Renee's eyes are candyapple green, alight with a pseudo satisfaction, and I'm so glad that I didn't inherit that particular genetic facet from her. I don't think I could look into the mirror and see those same cold eyes staring back at me everyday.

A warmth spreads throughout my body. I feel it expanding inside of my head, and heating in my veins, and living in my heart. This is called hatred and it is very unpleasant.

"I didn't even want to move here." My voice is small and my words seem very indistinct to the relevance of their lives. Renee doesn't really care about the way I feel. I have to wonder for a second why she even wastes her energy pretending.

"It's a new start Bella."

"I didn't want a new start. I was just starting to get settled in Arizona."

"Well we're in Washington now." Charlie says this with finality, there is no changing what's been done. I understand that but that doesn't mean that I can't be disappointed. That doesn't mean that I have to be excited by the turn of events. "You have to make the best out of the situation or you're just going to make yourself depressed again. We left the psychiatrists, the clinics, and the tests behind when we moved. There's no need to go through all of that here Bella."

There is a silence that swallows this uncomfortable atmosphere that we've created. Charlie and Renee are sitting beside each other, both looking at me from across a dining table that is not the only thing separating us. They see the exterior of myself that I project for them and it may seem to have the same old expression but my interior just definitely grew a new layer. I have never hated two individuals more than I hate my own two parents.

"Are you ready to start heading out Bella?" Renee breaks the quiet with her too-concerned voice and nice smile. "I still have papers to sign in the office. We should leave a little early so that you can find all of your classes."

My response is curt, glass plates shoved across the table, and chairs pushed with a little bit too much force. I leave them in the kitchen and I go to grab my book bag from out of my new room. Renee and Charlie speak in hushed, secret voices as I walk past them. They don't have to pretend that they aren't talking about me. Discussing my problems is about the only thing that they can actually relate on. It's called evasion.

They act like they're irritated with me so they won't have to admit what they're really upset about.

I wait for Renée outside. Counting the seconds that it takes for them to pretend that they still have a reason to be together. From the end of my driveway I can see down the street where my new bus stop will be. Renée is taking me to school today because she has to go up there and finish registering me but I'll be riding the school bus home this afternoon. There is a group of shivering teenagers huddled together in a horde that reeks impatience. They're probably wishing that their bus driver would hurry up so that they can get out of the way of the falling snow.

"Ready?" Renée sneaks up on me, I feel her hand brushing the small of my back as she passes me to the car. "We should get there twenty minutes before school starts if we leave now Bella."

The car ride irks me. I feel like I am trapped inside of a tiny cubicle with the only person that I can't stand to be alone with. Renée hums to eliminate the possibility of silence and I can tell that she isn't exactly comfortable with being alone with me either. She knows that I can see past the lie that everyone else believes. I know who she is. She ruins lives.

Luckily, we only live about ten minutes away from the school.

The school is about three times smaller than the one back in Phoenix. I am glad that the chances of getting myself lost are oddly slim this time. The first class on my schedule is called "Arts and Design" and the map that I received from the principal tells me that it should be located somewhere on the first floor. After I leave Renée in the office, I go to find my class. It doesn't take me very long to locate the room. The colorful murals and dynamic paintings on the walls alerted me to the Practical Arts hallway.

I stop my trek to take a quick survey of the artwork and I am very impressed with the quality, skill, and effort that had to be put into completing these masterpieces.

One painting in particular really draws my focus in. The mural starts with a very young boy peering up at a cloudy sky, all that you can see of him is the back of his body. Beside him is a girl with flowing blond hair down to her waist. She has on a sheer white dress and her feet are bare, she seems to be whispering something inside of his ear that he's oblivious to. Her profile is visible but only enough that you can see that her eyes are painted a dark, emerald green. I can tell that she is beautiful even though I cannot see her entire face. She is the boy's angel.

"Do you like the painting?"

I am at first startled by the intrusion of the unfamiliar voice. My defenses are up in the next second that I turn my eyes away from the masterpiece. I meet the eyes of my silent intruder. He is a teacher with an easy grin and warm eyes.

"My cousin is the artist of this one." The blonde haired man glances over at the painting and a small smile appears visible on his lips. "He made it three years ago when he was a freshmen."

I cannot find the words inside of me to attempt a response. I am uncomfortable around strangers and this teacher approached me before I had the chance to prepare myself for a conversation.

"He's a senior now. I'm sure that you'll see him around here somewhere. You're the new girl right? Isabella Swan?"

"Bella Swan."

"Well, it's nice to meet you Bella Swan." He offers me his hand. This gesture is so casual for him but so very forced on my end. "I hope you enjoy it here. I'm Mr. Whitlock but I tell all of my students to just call me Jasper."

"I think I have your class this semester Jasper." Another quick sneak-peak at my crumpled schedule confirms my assumptions before Jasper has a chance to.

"Oh yeah, I think I remember seeing your name on my roster last Friday." He seems to be genuinely enthused to have me entering his class as a new student, but maye that's just his false nice-teacher pretense. "I have you for first period right?"

"Yeah."

"Did you get to choose your elective or did they just stick you with an art class?" He probably asks this more out of an effort to break the impenetrable ice between us than out of an actual bought of curiosity. The expression on his face isn't even one of curiosity. There is just one simple word to describe him overall. Warmth.

"I'm not really into art." My shoulders lift in the smallest of shrugs. I don't want to offend him in any way since it seems that he is pretty passionate about the subject. "They just kind of chose this one for me."

Jasper's mouth lifts slightly at the corner and his face is filled with yet another smile. He lays a hand on my shoulder and I tense immediately. I don't think Jasper notices though because he doesn't make an effort in removing his hand. I have a problem with affection of every kind. Even if it's in the simplest, friendliest form.

"It's nice to hear that Isabella Swan." He announces with ease, just as the first bell rings. "That will make my job just that more interesting. I love reforming the artistically inept."

Jasper's class starts the same as every other "first day at a new school" days start. My new classmates stare at me when they enter the room and see me sitting in a seat that had just been unoccupied the day before. Some of them try not to be too conspicuous, turning around to act as if they are just glimpsing at the clock beside me and not scrutinizing me with their judgemental eyes. The other portion of watchers just blatantly stare. Their boldness certainly couldn't have made me and more uncomfortable.

Jasper just instructs me to take a piece of paper and write a few valuable things about myself. He says that I am exempt from this first assignment since I was transferred in the class while they were in the middle of a project era. Jasper tells me to take my time with getting adjusted and to come to him when I think I am ready to show him what artistic qualities I possess.

I spend half of the class thinking about what valuable information I want to relinquish to Jasper.

**1. My name is Isabella and I have Italian ancestry.**

**2. I have moved from home to home more than eleven times.**

**3. My mom ruined my fucking life.**

I spend the other half of the class fuming over the lovely turn of events that my number three brought back to the front of my mind. By time the bell rings again I have crossed the third sentence out, and have already given up on this simple directive that Jasper has assigned. He doesn't mention my lack of effort when I return the paper to him and when I ask him for directions to my next class he gives them to me happily.

My next class is the last one I have before lunch. It is a general economic study and it flies by me almost as quickly as first period did. The teacher is not as open and welcoming as Jasper was, but then again I don't really expect for anyone else to be that convivial to me. I am but only a small guppie in this ocean of enormous fish.

Lunch is both my favorite and least favorite part of the day. It has always been that way for me. I don't have a place in the cafeteria here, not in this building full of exclusive cliques that I would never fit into. I don't even go down to the cafeteria when the lunch bell rings. Instead, I head straight to the library that I passed on my way to second period.

It is almost vacant when I arrive. I am actually grateful for this. I need a piece of mind.

I take a seat at one of the empty tables, near the bookcases that are located in the very back. I listen to the music on my iPod to pass the time and I try not to let myself think about the events of my life that tend to upset me. Lunch is thirty minutes long but like all of my previous classes, the time seems to move inexplicably fast.

My third hour class is bio-med and it is located on the third floor. The teacher stands outside of the classroom, and he sort of smiles when he sees me. It's almost as if he was waiting for my arrival and I'm not surprised that he can pick me apart from the crowd. The school is so small that everyone must know everyone here.

"Hello." The man appears interested, but the tone of his voice completely contradicts my pre-assumption. "You must be Isabella."

"Yeah." I reply, almost as unenthusiastic as him. "Are you Mr. Berny?"

"That's me, come on let's go get you a seat."

I follow behind him, into a classroom that is already full. It's almost as if every single student in the room has a "New kid" radar because as soon as I step into the room all of their eyes simultaneously turn to me. I hold my head down, staring at the cracks in the linoleum. Mr. Berny says my name to the class of scrutinizing strangers, though his introduction is quite bland. I am told to choose myself a seat and my eyes land immediately for the closest empty chair.

There is a boy sitting alone. His eyes meet mine and there is an irritation as evident as the blue sky written across his face. He doesn't say anything as I slide into the chair beside him, makes no effort to even acknowledge my presence. I can tell that I have burdened him somehow.

I look towards the front of the classroom but through the corner of my eyes I chance a glance at him. He looks down at the lab table with a devoted interest. His lips do not move, his body stays still. I would have thought him to be made of stone if I didn't know any better.

A silent spell is cast throughout the entire room, and I openly welcome it.

There is one more class left of the day. I have never been so happy to see the ending of anything.

I walk into the english class and I encounter a frail old lady, she opens her mouth in a toothy smile. "Ah, Isabella I presume?"

I nod my head, ignoring the way eyes follow me. I've been ignoring it all day long.

"Nice to meet you." She offers me a soft hand. "Let me find you somewhere to sit."

"Mrs. Pattinson, she can sit here."

"Oh great." Mrs. Pattinson claps her hands together and nods in delight, strands of thinning gray hair fall into her face. "You can go sit by Rosalie. She'll explain to you what we're up to in here."

Rosalie is a blond beauty. Her eyes sparkle in shades of violet, illuminating the light in her hair. She looks like a model and I already feel a little bit insecure from just looking at her.

"Hi. I'm Rosalie Hale." Her voice is rich and feminine, she offers me a small, friendly smile when I take the seat that she offered to me. "I saw you moving into that little, blue house on the corner of June street."

I look at her, I am at a loss for a second.

"I live at the top of June." She clarifies, voice assuring. "I wasn't spying on you or anything."

I nod my head but that is the only response that I give her. She doesn't seem to be taken aback by my refusal to talk.

"Where were you at lunch today?" curiosity widens her eyes, she looks at me with a throwing expectancy. "I know we have the same lunch. Your second period class is on the same floor as mine."

I can feel my brows furrowing, as I try not to stare at this girl in incredulity. Not only is she overly curious but she is also almost demanding in her questioning. As if I am actually obligated to answer to her nosiness.

"Did you go to the library or something?"

"Yeah." I answer, my voice the closest to curt without being rude.

"Why?"

My eyes fall to the twisting hands inside of my lap. This interrogation may not actually be an interrogation, just a normal friendly way of communicating. But I do not come from a household where questioning each other is the norm and I am not used to being asked so many questions in the same conversation.

Rosalie may just be being friendly, but her friendliness is coming off as nosiness and it is making me a little more than uncomfortable.

"I just didn't feel like going to the cafeteria." My hitch my shoulders in a shrug. "I wasn't really hungry."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense." She takes my dishonest explanation without a second thought. "You can sit with me and my friends tomorrow if you want."

I do not open my mouth to decline her simple offer, though I cannot think of anything else that I would like to do less. Looking at Rosalie I can pretty much tell which social group she fits into.

"Thanks." I say quietly, but I am not appreciative. She hasn't presented me with an offer that is beneficial to me. "So, what assignment are we working on today?"

"We're doing an independent novel project." She says, picking up a Charlotte Bronte novel and showing it to me. "We have to pick one of our favorite books and basically do a book report on it."

"Your favorite book is Jane Eyre?" I can't quite stop my curiosity from expanding, nor the question that springs from my mouth without permission. "You enjoy the classics?"

"Well, don't sound so surprised Bella." Rosalie chuckles lightly, before looking down at her book with an adoration that I don't quite understand. "My mother used to read a lot of classic books. When she died all of her books just laid around the house collecting dust. One day I decided to read one and it was one of the only ways that I felt like I could hold onto her. Ever since then I've been in love with the classics."

Her story doesn't sadden me but that does not mean that I cannot try to be sympathetic for her loss. I do not know what it feels like to have a supreme love for a mother, therefore I cannot relate with the pain one must feel when they lose their mother. This interesting piece of information that I've learned about her leads me to believe that there has to be something more to her character than what appears at firsthand. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

"What is your favorite book?" She asks, voice a murmur. Violet eyes trained on my face but somehow looking past me.

"Wuthering Heights. You know that one right?"

Rosalie's lips quirk slightly upward, into the happiest of sad smiles. She nods her head. "That one was my mother's favorite too."

Class ends on an average note. Rosalie doesn't talk much more and I can tell that something is on her mind. I am relieved to be able to sit in silence but also just a little curious to know what has held Rosalie's mind so captive. When the bell rings Rosalie tells me that she will show me where our bus is at. We apparently live on the same street so we ride the same bus of course.

Rosalie does not sit by me when we board the bus. She sits next to another blond haired beauty and I can only infer that this beauty is her sister. I sit near the front and watch everyone who steps on. There is no one that I find particularly familiar until the boy from my biology class steps up. His face is void of emotion though in just a quick glance I can see so much emotion behind his eyes. He doesn't notice me when he walks past.

The bus starts. I am happy to be leaving school but I am not eager to get where I am going. The bus ride is longer than the car ride this morning because of all the stops that have to be made. When it is time for me to get off of the bus there are only five other people on the bus. Rosalie and her sister, the quiet boy from my biology class, and two other boys.

I get off of the stuffy school bus and I can see my little blue house sitting on the corner.

"Hey Bella!" Rosalie calls from behind me. "I want you to meet my sister."

The two girls speed walk up to me, each of them wearing attractive smiles of their own. "Hi, I am Carmen. You just moved into the corner house right?"

I nod my head and open my mouth to introduce myself, but am distracted when I look behind Carmen and see the quiet boy riding towards us on a skateboard. He doesn't seem to be concerned with what we are doing. His eyes are trained forward and he pushes along with a purpose.

"Hey Ej." Rosalie says as he passes. "Going to pick up your niece and nephew?"

He shows her a look of recognition, but he does not answer her question. He continues on his way and Rosalie smiles after him.

"He's an asshole Rosalie. I don't even know why you try to talk to him." Carmen looks after him, with a shake of her wavy blond head. "He only talks when he feels like it. He's only nice when he's ready to be nice. That is so rude."

Rosalie looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Be glad that you don't have an older sister Bella."

Carmen shoves Rosalie playfully. "Be glad that you don't have a younger sister. They drive you nuts."

I offer them a smile but I am not paying them much attention anymore. I watch Ej ride his skateboard all the way to the end of the street. Until he turns the corner and is no longer visible.

"How long have you known him Rosalie?" I ask, as we are nearing my house.

"Well everyone who lives in this neighborhood knows of each other. I met him when he moved over here about two years ago."

"Oh." I nod my head, stopping in front of my house. Rosalie and Carmen stop with me. "Why is he so quiet?"

Rosalie's smile expands just a little. "Maybe because of the same reason you are."

I glance down, quite positive that Ej and I both have our reasons. Everyone has their reasons.

"We'll let you go in Bella." Carmen says calmly, probably mistaking my new quiet demeanor as one of anger. I feel no need to correct her assumptions. "You probably still have some settling in to do."

"We live up at the top of the street in the old brown house." Rosalie takes time to point it out. The house is the biggest one on the entire street. It looks cozy and exactly like something the two of them would live in. "You can come knock on our door if you ever get bored down here."

"Okay. Thanks."

"No problem."

"Bye Bella." They say in unison and they start off on their trek up the street.

**~~~~US**

I am confined. Trapped between four stark, white walls that resonate no sound from the outside. A solitary confinement in which I openly admitted myself to. This is my bedroom.

My father is not home at present so my mother doesn't feel the need to be a pretend family right now. She is tucked away, somewhere in one of the rooms around this house. She is probably devising her next evil plan of destruction. Eleven months from now we will all be moving again. I know her routine. It never changes.

I sit on a ledge next to my windowsill. The outside looks very tempting, very similar to in here actually. White snow is sprinkled along the sides of the road like piles of sweet powdered sugar. I sit there and think. Maybe for a hour or two and when it is time for the children of the neighborhood to get out of school I watch them walk home in blissfully ignorant bunches.

Three boys zoom past on skateboards, their feet pushing against the ground so fast that I barely have a chance to make out their faces. Two of them look to be around the same age, maybe middle schoolers. They are not short enough to be kids and not quite tall enough to be teenagers. They are in the in-between. Preteens. The third one looks to be around my age and he skates the fastest of them all.

A few seconds later I spot another boy with a skateboard, but his board is tucked safely underneath his arm. He walks beside a familiar bronzed haired boy. I recognize him immediately, as the guy with the threaded lips. The silent boy from biology class whose name is Ej. He's looking completely forward, earphones in his ears as he holds the hand of a little girl. She laughs while he pulls her along on the skateboard that she is standing upon.

The sight of the boy is intriguing to say the least. He had seemed so cold earlier but now there is a detectable warmth to him somehow. It is almost endearing. The change in him brings the shortest of smiles to my face. As if my change of expression triggers his attention, he just so happens to glance up at my frosted window. My eyes meet those of cold recognition, greenish-brown orbs hold my gaze almost up until the three of them completely pass my house.

I can't be sure but I think I spot the corner of his mouth twitch, slightly upward, into the smallest of smiles before he continues on his way.


	2. My world

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**CHAPTER TWO:**

**~~~~Ej POV:**

There is an extravaganza of noise around me and I am surrounded by faces that all wear the same familiar expressions, watching me in my element as I do what I do best. Squinted eyes scrutinize my every move, taking measure of my trajectory and recording my techniques in their minds to use for later. A series of mouths use voices to congratulate my precise, my skill. But inside I know that they are using their thoughts to condemn me. Wanting me to fail, to fall, but yelling in fake delight when I do not.

We are all competing. In essence, we are all enemies and we would fight each other to the death in order to be the first to reach the top. Even my little brother stands beside the crowd with brute jealousy inside of his green eyes, though a certain type of pride is also radiating somewhere inside of him. He wishes that he could be me and on the inside he hates me because I am better than him at the one thing that he actually cares about.

I am simple, the best of them all without even trying.

A legend and a threat.

"This is Ej Whitlock." Tyler acts as my right-hand camera man. We are using Dimitri's video camera to film my sponsor video.

By now my muscles are aching from the exertion I have pushed myself to. My body is screaming with the plea to stop this over-ride of excercise, my legs are starting to shake from their tire but my heart won't let me give up just yet. There is still something inside of me that has the ability to drive. I want to persevere until I can prove something to myself.

I have fallen flat on my ass, on my face, on my side, and on my knees over twenty times already. I have busted my lip open on the concrete, and I have almost broken my neck a couple of times as well. I'm not stopping until I give my all to the extent that I have absolutely nothing else to offer or until I end up killing myself. Which ever one happens to occur first is okay with me.

The other skaters have stopped everything they are doing to watch me dominate. There is a whole skate park to be used to my advantage but at this point all I need is one hand rail to prove to the world that any skate company would be lucky to have me sponsored for them.

Tyler focusses the camera on what I am doing but he continues to give my potential viewers a brief description of myself. This will be the second sponsor video that I send out and this one has to be phenomenal. I have to throw my hardest and craziest tricks, I have to attempt to master the moves that everyone else was too afraid to do. Unlike all of the other skaters time is running out for me.

"He's turning eighteen next June and he's going to be graduating this year. He's been skating since he was ten years old and he specializes in vert, freestyle, and street skating. He has entered three competitions and has come in second place each time. The next skate competition is coming up in December and this is the last year that he'll be entered in the amateur category."

I have spent up to four hours making this video. This last trick that I am about to attempt is the one that will close off my video. I need to conduct it effortlessly.

"The last trick that Ej is going to show you guys is the darkside grind." Tyler faces me, with a thumbs up as my cue to start. "Basically he's going to show us how awesome he is by grinding this steep ass rail that everyone else was too pussy to even attempt."

Tyler's words amuse me but I do not smile. Only because I am completely focused on what I am doing right now and the words go in one ear and right out of the other. Usually when I skate I do not need to devote every brain cell in my head to concentrate, usually I just let my passion guide me. Today however, is not a day for silly mistakes. I need to do this trick correctly the very first time because I do not feel like having to do anymore re-takes.

Like all grinds, I start off pushing towards the rail that I am trying to grind on with an angle. When I see that I am close enough to the rail, I do a kickflip, but I do not kick it as hard as I would for a kickflip because I only want my board to rotate halfway. At the same time I sweep my back foot just a little bit behind myself, attempting to turn my board at a ninety degree angle. Once I see that my board has done half of a flip and rotated 90 degrees I catch the board with my feet . My front foot lands on the bottom side of my nose and my back foot lands on the bottom side of my tail. I Land with the rail as close to the middle of the board as I can and when I reach the end of the rail I twist my body ninety degrees, then I tap the heel side edge of the nose with my toes to start flipping it. Once the board has rotated 90 degrees and flipped half way I catch it with my feet.

On the way to the ground, something rushes throughout me. I think that it is adrenaline. A series of explosions erupt from behind me, the loud is booming in a way that is almost unbearable for my ears to listen to. The explosions are not from bombs or grenades, but in the form of fake-friendly cheers. And when my board lands on the ground with me standing upright upon it the deafening explosions detonate. The aftermath of sound escalates into a blaring series of congratulations.

"Damn Ej!" Tyler slaps his hand on my back. He does not know that I am not in the mood to be slapped on or manhandled. "You're a fucking beast bro."

The other skaters follow Tyler's lead in surrounding me, tapping my back and ruffling my hair with commemorative intentions. They all act like they're so very happy to see me succeeding in what they cannot, they do not know that they are like glass to me and that I can see right through their dishonest facades. They are all completely transparent in the way that they try to hold their true feelings away from my grasp of understanding, but everyone can wear masks. I know this to be true. You can't fool someone who is constantly fooling people himself.

"Dude, your video is going to blow all of ours out of the park." Dimitri is smiling brightly when he says this, and the dark that glitters across his eyes is enough to tell me that he's sort of regretting his decision to let me use his camera now. "When are you going to send the video in?"

I lift my shoulders quietly, not quite ready to talk yet. I keep my eyes focused on my feet as I do one quick ollie.

"Isn't the deadline next Saturday night?" Tyler says, as he reviews skits from all the filming we did today. His eyes widen with an excitement that only a person with a passion could harbor. Just the sight of watching some else skating is enough to ignite the drive that is inside of him. For some people skateboarding is just a way to pass time, but for others it is a way to stay sane. "I think they said the deadline was next Saturday at midnight."

"I'll have it sent in by Saturday."

"Is Jasper going to pay the internet bill by then?" Masen queries, his video has not been sent in yet either. The fact that ours will be received a little later than the others kind of stuns our chances of being picked, but not so much if the viewers don't get tired of watching all of the videos that will be getting sent in. Because once they view my video and Masen's video all of the others won't even matter.

Masen is only fourteen but he is already better than half of the skaters around here.

"I don't know." I answer truthfully, not very willing to say much more about it. There is no telling what Jasper is going to do with the money next week. We still need groceries and the electric bill is due. I'm pretty sure that he's going to put those things higher on the priority list than getting the internet turned back on. "But I'm going to get our videos sent in somehow."

"I have internet." Jacob Black says, his tone is unquestionably suggestive. Though there is nothing especially sly about his demeanor. "I can take it home and send it in for you."

My guards are up the second that he mentions taking home my video. I do not trust Jacob Black as far as I can throw him, but not because he has given me any specific reason to question his trustworthiness. Jacob Black is just a kid that I skate with some times and I've known him for about a year now. He's spent nights at my house, gone to skate parks with me, and has been my partner is several street competitions. But as a general principle I just can not allow myself to relinquish the inner suspicions that claw at my mindset whenever I ponder other people's intentions. I do not trust easily.

"Nah, I want to review and edit the video before I send it in." My rejection of his offer is truthful in a way, but I do not look at him when I say this. The real truth is that I'm not willing to let something happen to my video. It is one of the keys to my future and I don't know what I'd do to Jacob Black if he were to accidentally screw up my chances of turning my dream into a reality. I wouldn't let anyone take my video with them, not even Tyler if he would have asked. "I'm probably just going to go to the library and do it."

"Oh cool." He doesn't seem perturbed by my decline, or offended in any possible way. I am glad. I do not want him to be insulted, but if he would have been I can't find it in myself to have cared. "They probably have a better video editor at the library anyway."

"Are you guys about to head home?" Another skater asks, his name is Mike Newton.

I glance up at the sky above us, directly under the glow of the last remaining ray of sunlight. The night is pushing it's way onto us while the sun slinks away towards it's puzzling hiding space. It is almost freezing in the way that the weather drops when night time slithers up upon the landscape, but we are all too adrenaline pumped and too very enthused to even think about the way our body temperatures have become unstable.

I could stay out here all night, watching the cool-black definitions take shape into the nighttime. Stripping color away from the surroundings to make darker hues of those. The night having no colors is only a myth if you can see through the surface, if you can appreciate the moonlight shining from a sky that appears black, but is actually a collage of a million different blues swirling interchangeably to create a magnificence.

But my little brother is cold and I have to get my nephew back home before Jasper starts bitching me out.

"Yeah, we're about to head home." It's only about 7:30 but the sky gets dark a lot earlier now since it's winter time. "Do you want to skate with us until we get across the tracks?"

Our neighborhood is divided into two parts because there are two separate communities on either sides of the train tracks. One side is the good side of the tracks and the other side is the bad side of the tracks. We all live on the side of the tracks where houses are small and rain-rotted, landlords are too afraid to come into town to fix the problems in our houses so we are forced to live with deficiencies, and the community is so fucked that people have to use other people's houses as the local supermarket to make a living; breaking in and taking whatever they want as if they were the ones who worked their asses off for it.

The other side is plagued with big, nice houses. Two or three cars fill up the spaces of every driveway, yards are kept tidy, streets are always clean, parents are not afraid to let their children ride their bikes around the corner and back. This side is where all the skate parks, playgrounds, and community centers are always built. This is where we have to come to see how all of ours lives would be if we were just a bit less unlucky.

Mike skates with us until we reach the border in which he have to hop the fence that separates the two separate worlds. He has to turn right to get home and we all have to turn left. We are back on Bowers Street which is the road that will take us directly to my street. We pass the new girl's home and I look up at her ice kissed window just to see if she's there. I remember seeing her looking out of it earlier today, but this time her window is vacant of her presence.

We are turning up my street in the next two minutes. Jasper is sitting on the couch in the livingroom when we all pile into the house. He looks up at us with a cool expression on his face. He is mellow in it's purest form. I take in the piles of bills that he has laid out on the coffee table, he has a calculator beside him, and a slight defeat to his demeanor. I already know what the problem here is. We do not have enough money to meet this month's expenses and so we're going to have to suffer a little more until we catch up again.

"What's up Jazz?" Tyler asks, smiling with wide eyes. He kicks off his shoes and tosses his board in the middle of the floor. He is so comfortable in my home that he treats it like it is his own home. I'm glad that feels like he belongs somewhere because I feel for Tyler. In every aspect, that his home life is not completely healthy.

"Nothing much." Jasper replies, easy tones and calm radiation. He looks at Tyler the same way that he looks at me, like a brother, even though he is my cousin. "You guys just come from the park?"

"Yeah, Ej was finishing his sponsor video." My nephew answers, looking like a spitting image of his father. Blond hair and blue eyes. The all-american boy. "I'm pretty sure he's going to be sponsored before he graduates."

"I don't doubt it." Jasper believes, he puts too much faith in everything and everyone. That is one of the reasons he is always severely disappointed. "Are you spending the night Tyler?"

"Yeah, he's going to be here until Sunday and Alec is spending the night too." Masen says, and we all know that Jasper is okay with this. "Tyler said that he's going to order us pizza tonight. Where is Mariah? Did she already eat?"

Jasper is the father of two kids. I remember when he moved in with our family ten years ago. His parents had found out that he'd gotten his girlfriend pregnant and they kicked him right out of their loving household. Jasper was always close to us so my mother was more than willing to allow him to move in with us. He was seventeen when his girlfriend Maria gave birth to Jackson and he was twenty-two when she got pregnant again and gave birth to Mariah.

I feel for my niece and nephew because they have to live in a broken household at such a young age. Jasper is in love with a women that will manipulate him until there isn't a copper penny left in his pocket. She's a drug addict, a whore, and sometimes a prostitute when it comes to drastic measures. She left Jasper and her children for a man with a bong that makes her feel good about herself in the worst possible way, and every time she comes running back to Jasper he gives her the benefit of the doubt because every single fiber of his heart belongs to her.

Now that my mother is out of the picture, Jasper is forced to provide for Me, Masen, Jackson, Mariah, himself, and sometimes even Tyler and Alec. Alec is Masen's best friend and he's just like all the other troubled people in this household. He has a story of his own. He's over here just as much as Tyler is.

"Mariah is asleep." Jasper responds, looking back down at the stack of bills before him. No one else can see the anxiety he tries to push behind the dispaly of nonchalance he works so hard on. Jasper doesn't want us to know that he's failing at his duties again, but failure isn't something that he can hide from me. I know it so well. "She ate the rest of that macaroni that grandma made Monday night."

Our grandparents are our only other source of help. We have no other family that we associate with. My mother's parents have been there for us since before and after our lives turned to shit.

"Well, I'm about to go order the pizza." Tyler says, heading through the living room and towards the kitchen. Our basement steps are located right next to our back door. He descends down the stairs because that is where everything worthwhile in this house is located. We have our basement set up the same way that most living rooms are set up. Downstairs is full with couches and an entertainment center. Our household computer and house phone is also plugged up in the basement and our guest room is downstairs too.

"Alec brought some movies that we can put in the Xbox." Masen says, following behind him. Alec and Jackson shadow his trail. "Lets watch a scary movie so we can watch Jackson cry like a little girl."

When Jasper and I are alone he looks up at me, there is tire in his eyes. He works hard throughout the weeks to keep us surviving and he works even harder to keep himself from cracking under pressure.

"You got a letter in the mail." I watch his hands sort through the envelopes in front of him, and he hands me the only one that he did not open. Jasper respects my need for privacy.

"Who is it from?" I receive it, eyes dropping with anger as I read the scribbled handwriting that I know so well. There is always something interesting about the way someone's entire mood can change in the briefest of seconds, how one little thing can completely be the detriment of your stability. I don't know any words that I can possibly use to describe that one quick moment in which you can literally feel the happiness leaking out of you. It's like suddenly you're hit with a wave of something so unpleasant that it knocks everything else out of you, in order to make room for the anger or sadness that follows. "I don't want to fucking read this shit Jasper."

"How long are you going to try to avoid him Ej?" He appears confused, as if he hadn't already known that I was going to react this way. But Jasper is fully aware of how I feel about this certain situation. We've been through this same scenario way too many time s before. "At least he's making an effort."

"Fuck an effort." My mind is harsh with refusal, I have nothing inside of me that will even think of considering this reconcilliaiton. I am not going through this bullshit again. "I don't want to talk to him Jasper."

"Ej, just read the letter and see what he has to say."

"I already know what the letter is going to say. I have about fifty of these things stashed under my bed and they always say the same fucking thing."

"I think that it will benefit you Ej. You need him in your life."

"He hasn't been here for the last twelve years." I can't quite get over the hurt that plagues my heart when I think about this. I try to push these certain things as far away out of my mind as I can possibly can. As soon as I start thinking about them I can't get myself to stop. "Why will it matter if he drops in now? He's going to suddenly come in and make everything all better again?"

"Your father loves you Ej." The horrible part about Jasper's statement is that he believes what he's saying, but it isn't quite so wise for him to hold such strong opinions about things that he does not understand.

My eyes are narrowed as they lift to his face, if Jasper is not being cruel right now I do not know what cruel is. "Are you fucking insane Jasper? He doesn't give two shits about me. He doesn't even know me."

"I'm sure that he won't disappoint you this time Ej." An assuring smile takes the corners of Jasper's lips. He has no idea that I hate his fucking guts right now. "Just give him one more chance."

It has become clear to me of what I am going to have to do to get Jasper off of my back about this. There's something called vengeance rushing throughout me right now, and I know the only thing I have to do to get even with Jasper is to hurt him with words. Jasper is deeply sensitive, and I know just what breaks him apart inside.

"I'm not like you Jasper." I hold his gaze, and I hope that my words will hurt him. "I'm not going to keep forgiving people who are just going to screw me over."

I hope he likes how I decide to rephrase all of my words in a way that I can say what I want to say without actually having to utter the harsh words that it would take to say it.

It hurts all the same.

A crack in Jasper's facade becomes evident to me in the way that his eyes fall to the floor. An exhale leaves him, and it shudders his entire body. I feel like an evil bastard but it gives me a sick pleasure to know that I am not the only one who is secretly miserable.

"Dr. Cullen called today." He says quietly, he probably hates me. "Your next session is on Friday."

"Why the hell do they keep giving me new doctors? I don't want to talk to any of them. They aren't going to help me."

"I don't have time for social services to be stopping by here because you refuse to go see your psychiatrist." Jasper's voice has taken that firm sort of edge to it, the tone that he uses when he is reprimanding Jackson or Mariah.

There is a new type of anger that takes over me. It feels like boiling lava under my skin, and I want to rip my body open to get rid of it. It's so quick, and intense, and destructive. This is more than just being upset about the letter, my dead-beat father, or even the fact of what Jasper wants from me. This is so much deeper than all of that bullshit. "Jasper I don't need a psychiatrist."

"You need help Ej." He appears to be hesitant, He doesn't want to set me off. "I can't let you keep living like this."

I become silent at this, eyes shifting from Jasper's face to the floor. The carpet beneath my feet is dirty.

"I may only be your cousin Ej but I am also your legal guardian. I have to do what I think is best for you."

"Who are you to say what's best for me Jasper?" I ask bitterly, he doesn't understand what I am going through. I don't even fucking understand it most of the time. I don't know why I am sick, why my mind is sick, why my body is sick...

"I'm the person whose been putting a roof over your head for four years now." I can feel him raising his eyes, studying my demeanor and expressions. To him I am not that troubled teenage boy that everyone else sees. I am not the kid with bipolar disorder and the mood swing issues. It doesn't matter what I do because to Jasper I will always be a good person. I still don't look at him. I continue you stare at the floor. I refuse to witness him giving me the benefit of doubt which I do not deserve.

A few moments pass, in which the two of us choose to share in silence.

"I swear they never make anything better Jasper." My voice is nearly a whisper, barely breaking through the realm of quiet that Jasper and I have created. My eyes move slowly but surely land on his face, onto his blue orbs. "It's a waste of everyone's time."

"I was recondmended to contact Dr. Cullen by one of my colleagues Ej. I've been told that he's one of the best psychiatrist in the state and I think this time talking to someone will really help you."

My eyes drift away from his again. I can't take the expression of hope that he wears so proudly. In the pit of my stomach his hope makes it feel like bricks are piling up inside of me. There is a way that emotional pain becomes so intense that you can actually feel it taking a physical toll on yourself.

"You don't know." I reject him with a mind that is bolted closed. "You have absolutely no idea on what's going to help me Jasper."

"I can't have it on my conscience if my carelessness in letting you make bad decisions happens to lead to you getting hurt. I don't make you go to your sessions and I don't make you take your medicine, but what is that doing for you Ej? I've been noticing a change in your behavior patterns. Lately, you've seemed a lot more withdrawn than usual. Almost like last year."

I shake my head, but I already knew where all of this was leading. I am not unaware that Jasper is accusing me of something, but I am not prompted to prove his assumptions wrong. It isn't as if it would make a difference anyway, Jasper has his mind set in stone and at this point there is no convincing him otherwise.

"What time do I have to go in?" My shoulders sag in resigntation. "After credit recovery is over?"

"Yeah, I'm going to drop you off there and you can skate home. His office is near the library on Dunn Road. You know where the Walgreens and stuff is at?"

I do not offer him a reply. Instead, I take myself and the letter that I will not open, and I go to my room. I lock myself within the four walls. I cannot find it in myself to want to be bothered with Tyler or anyone else for that matter. All that I want is to acquire a piece of mind and maybe save myself from having a completely horrible night. When I am in my room they know not to mess with me.

I fall asleep in pitch blackness, not bothering to get my hopes up high for what is to happen in the morning.

**~~~~ISABELLA POV:**

The next morning all of the previous pretenses have vanished. It is evident to everyone that this new move will do nothing to change the damage that has already been so throughly inflicted. We are not a family. That is not the title that we care to take on. We are but only a group of strangers who are forced to deal with each other because we know that no else will deal with us.

I am in and out of the shower before Charlie even wakes up to get ready for work. He took refuge on the couch last night, while Renee laid in bed wishing that there was someone there warming it for her.

I don't blame Charlie. I don't fault him for being a robot. I guess we all have our own defense mechanisms and his is being completely emotionless.

He walks past me to get to the bathroom and he says nothing. We never speak to each other unless it is totally necessary, but it is usually painfully unnecessary.

I've lived in a household with the same two people my entire life and we have always communicated like this. It's either complete silence, non-stop yelling, or pretending to smile. I think I may have liked the yelling the most, at least when there was still a reason for someone to yell back then. The ties had not been completely severed, at least someone still had hope that maybe things could get better. Now, the silence is just an unfriendly reminder that we've all given up on trying.

I make myself some breakfast. Renee doesn't even show her face this morning. I leave to go to the bus stop without the warmth of a mother's hug or the casual_ "have a good day kiddo."_ from a father.

Rosalie and Carmen are the first people that I spot when I am descending down my driveway. The walk to the corner on which they stand is about two minutes from my house. When I arrive I am greeted with a loaded smile by both of the blond headed girls.

"Good morning Bella." Rosalie offers me a chipper greeting, her cheeks are rosy from the wind that lashes at us. "Are you ready for your second day?"

I hitch my shoulders. There will be nothing different about today than there was yesterday. Maybe besides the fact that I know where all of my classes are located at now.

"Yeah, I guess so." My voice doesn't radiate with the same vibrancy that hers behold.

"Are you going to come down to lunch today? Or are you going to the library again?" She raises her eyebrows with expectance, and her violet eyes widens as she waits for my answer. "I'll make sure to save you a seat if you want me to."

"I don't know yet." I reply, I do not want to seem rude. But I also do not want to meet any of Rosalie's friends. "I guess I'll come down if I am hungry."

"Cool." Her response is for me, but she doesn't look at me. I only turn around when I realize that something behind me has gathered her attention, and I know what she is captivated by as soon as my eyes land on it. She is staring at that bronzed-haired boy as he makes his way towards the bus stop from his house. There is another boy walking beside him and I can't be sure, but I think he is one of the three boys that I spotted skating past my house yesterday.

"Hey Tyler." Rosalie says when they arrive, her voice is warmly pleasant. There is a smile on her face that the sandy haired boy eats right up. "You stayed the night with Ej?"

"Yeah." His voice is youthful and friendly. He regards Rosalie with a warmth that is more of endearment than anything. "We had to do some filming last night."

"Ah." Rosalie nods her head, before she lets round violet eyes flicker towards the silent boy. "How are you this morning Ej?"

He turns his head to allow himself a look at her but it seems that he has already chosen not to respond. I think he likes watching the way her face changes when he ignores her.

I can't quite stop myself from staring at the boy myself, but I do not see him in the same light that Rosalie does. I look at him with a slight curiousity. I find his brash demeanor interesting especially since it does not quite seem to fit him. There is always a reason for something, and I wonder what his reason is for being brash. I don't know anything about him but I can already tell that he is one of those people who have something deeper to them than what a first impression can percieve.

I glance at the boy named Tyler as well, and the other two new faces. All of these people are strangers to me in the same way that I am a stranger to them.

"Hello." I am at once shocked, once I have realized that the voice is talking to me. "I'm Ej Whitlock."

Everyone else is shocked that Ej has decided to address me, the new girl. Four pairs of eyes sought his out to find reasoning. His lips quirk the second he speaks and from then I infer that he decides to speak to me on purpose.

"Hi." I reply quietly, I glance up at him and my browns meet his greens. "I'm Bella Swan."

"I'm Tyler Crowley." His sandy haired friend says next, reaching towards me with a friendly hand. "We used to skate up and down your driveway before you moved over there. Your garage used to be our hangout spot in middle school."

I shake Tyler's hand with a small smile. He is nice but not in the surreal way that Rosalie and Carmen are. He seems natural when he smiles, not forced or faked. He's the complete opposite of the Hales and of Ej.

"It's nice to meet you both." I make sure to look at Ej when I say this, and he looks completely passive when I say this.

From a short distance I hear the familiar roaring of a school bus. I can feel the subtle vibrations it makes on the ground before I can actually see the big, yellow contraption turning the corner at the top of Bowers Street.

Just before the bus pulls infront of this stop there is time for Ej to shock us all again. He opens his mouth to speak, regardless of the disinterest in his tone.

"It's nice to meet you too Bella Swan."


	3. Plastic

**Disclaimer: WE do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

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**CHAPTER THREE:**

**~~~~Isabella POV**

"Hey Bella! Wait up." There is something about the second day at a new school that makes the hallways look a lot less crowded and intimidating than the first time you walk through them. I can see Jasper's classroom coming up on my right and I am glad that I can possibly use this as an escape route to get away from Rosalie's early morning chatter. I do not slow sown the pace of my walking but I do not speed up either. She has no trouble with catching up to me in her diamond studded stilettos. "Whoa, you're ager to get to class aren't you?"

"Jasper, is a great teacher." I say, disguising the fact that the reason I want to get to class is to be safe from her. I often feel drained in the morning time and being forced to be around people does nothing but pull me under a veil of distress and irritation. "I'm excited to see what project he has in store for me today."

"Oh, Jasper?" Rosalie nods her head in agreement. A smile of recognition lights up her face when she ponders her opinion of the blond-haired teacher. "He's the coolest teacher in this entire school. I totally miss his drawing class. He should be a professional artist or something."

For the next few seconds we walk in a charged silence. I am waiting for her to reveal her reason for catching up to me before class since I am not naive enough to believe that she'd simply wanted to talk to me. I can feel her hesitation swelling inside of her demeanor. Her suspense is not killing me at all. In fact, I would rather her keep whatever it is to herself.

"Hey Bella," She starts, looking down at the cracked linoleum that squeaks beneath the pressure of our feet. There is a thoughtful expression on her face. "What do you think about Ej?"

I lift my gaze to view her her more closely and I have to wonder what it is that she is expecting to hear me to say, or perhaps what it is that she wants to hear me say. I have not thought about the boy enough to draw a credible opinion yet. The only thing that I knew of him was that there was more to him that Rosalie or even I could understand.

"I don't know. I've just met him and we exchanged less than ten words with each other."

"Don't you know that it only takes a person three seconds to form their first opinion of you?" She casts me a pointed sideways glance. "After just meeting a person in fact."

"That is why most preconceptions turn out to be incredibly wrong." I reply, knowing from experience that there is so much more to a person than you can grasp within the first few seconds of encountering them. It takes several meetings to get even a little bit close to someone that is actually worth getting to know. "People should not be percieved as anything in just a few seconds of meeting them."

"People are like onions." Rosalie says, tone of her voice matter-of-fact like. "When it comes to getting to know them they are much like a four-layered onion."

"What do you mean?" I ask, watching the smile that covers Rosalie's face when I ask her this question. My eyebrows lift just a little with my curiosity.

"The outermost layer is that part of our personality that we reveal to strangers, Around our friends and some acquaintances we feel comfortable enough to peel back that outermost layer, The third layer is reserved for those with whom we have an intimate relationship with, and The fourth and innermost layer contains that part of ourselves that we don't share with anyone."

Her theory actually makes quite a lot of sense but I do have my doubts that she is the sole theoretical creator of this particular saying. "Where did you come up with this philosophy?"

"My mother used to share a lot of things like this with me and my sister. I try to remember everything that she ever told me. I tend to use her words of wisdom as advice when I do not know what to do."

"So, what do you think of Ej then?" I ask curiously, just to see how in-depth she has defined him. She may surprise me with a bought of sincerity as she'd done when she was presenting her explanation to me about people being like onions.

"I think that he is shy." In six words she has summed up the entirety of her opinion towards Ej.

Shy would make sense. He seems to be quiet and more reserved towards himself. He did not appear to be uncomfortable around people however, which would provide the basis of evidence for him being shy. From what I saw of him, I got that he was a withdrawn person. An extreme introvert. But Rosalie has known him for years now. Her opinion might be correct.

"Why do you think that he is shy?" I ask, liking the way that I know just how much she had wanted me to ask that question. Rosalie craves a chance to discuss the topic of Ej without being the person who'd initiated it. She thinks that she is nonchalant with her infatuation of him, but nonchalant isn't even close to being a word inside of Rosalie's vocabulary.

"Because I know that he's liked me since he moved here." She nods her head in a for sure like manner. Violet orbs are obscured by bouncing blond curls. "He's been too shy to admit it to me though. That is why he likes to play hard to get."

I make sure not to reveal any types of noticeable changes in my facial expression. She does not need to see my disbelief in her assumptions but all of Rosalie's opinions have totally lost their credibility. I see that she harbors the ability to completely bypass the content of someone's character; to instead judge them based off of her own narrcistic tendencies.

"If he did not tell you that he likes you how do you know?" He surely does not display any kinds of attraction towards her.

Rosalie looks my ways, but she has no words for me. "I just know."

"Did you have someone else to ask him for you?"

"No, I didn't. But that is actually a fantastic idea." Rosalie's demeanor skyrockets with an excitement that I am not too familiar with. "You should totally ask him for me Bella. You have class with him today don't you?"

"Yeah Rosalie, but I really don't..."

"Awesome, I just know that he'll tell you things that he wouldn't say to me." Rosalie cuts my sentence short. Already formulating in her head how Ej will confess his undying love for her. She ignores the way that I try to explain to her how I am not quite comfortable with being used as an interrogator for her. She purposely refuses to let me get this thought across to her. "I'll save you a seat at lunch in case you decide to come down. I should let you get to class before you're late!"

I watch her turn and flit down the hallway. The bell rings before I can think to stop her. I decide that there is nothing that can be done now.

When I enter the classroom, fewer sets of eyes follow my trail from the door to my seat than yesterday. Many people pretend that I am not here at all. They do not turn to give me a second glance or express and interest in me whatsoever. To other people, I am still the shiny new toy that they have never seen before. The first class of the day is never more comfortable on the second day at a new school.

"Good morning Bella." Jasper greets me with a smile to start the day, he looks well-rested and ready for any challenge that may be thrown at him. I admire that optimistic quality in him, but I shake my head at his naivety. "Are you ready to start working on a project now?"

I nod my head, forcing a closed-lipped smile onto my face. It feels horribly misplaced and foreign. "Sure."

Jasper goes to his desk to retrieve some materials for the project that he has chosen to assign me. He comes back with construction paper, glue guns, magazines, and markers.

"I know that this all must look very elementary." He rolls his eyes playfully, the materials that he has presented for me does remind me a little of the first grade. "But I went home last night trying to think of an assignment that I can give to you on short notice. This is the last class that my students will work on their own personal projects before we move into the new unit which you will participate in for a grade. Until then I decided to give you something to do that would only take one class period to complete."

"That sounds fair enough." I nod my head, wondering what he could possibly want me to do with all of these things.

"I just want you to make a quick collage. Cut out some things in these magazines that mean something to you. It will help me get to know you more than that lovely piece of paper you turned in yesterday did."

I feel a warmth flushing my cheeks despite the fact that I know Jasper is only joking with me. He chuckles at the pink tint that has taken refuge inside of my cheeks, and he leaves me to start on my collage when another student calls his name for help.

I decide to put some effort into this assignment since I totally disregarded the first one. I get to work. Flipping through the magazines and thinking about what I will possibly say to the bronze-haired boy when I see him next hour.

I only get about half-way done with the collage before the bell rings. Jasper commends my work and instructs me to take it home and finish it tonight. I am grateful to have something that can tae my mind off of Renee and Charlie when I go home today.

I ponder my plan on my way to my next class. There is an abundance of anxiety inside of me that is steadily growing. I would not feel good knowing that I disappointed Rosalie; especially since I know just how much she wants me to do this, but the butterflies that are adorning in the pit of my stomach bother me so much that I believe I will be incapable of speaking to Ej. There is something about talking to people in general that startles me, there is something about talking to people that I do not know that startles me even more, and then there is something about talking to someone who only talks as much as I do that startles me the most.

His eyes flicker towards me the moment that I step foot into the classroom, but only for the shortest of moments. There is a very minute look of interest in his face when he regards me for the first few seconds before he proceeds to shift his attention towards the white scenery outside of the window.

I notice that all of his things are place on his respective side of the table. I have no doubts that I have intruded on his solitude my choosing to make him share his table with me. When I slide into the seat beside him he does nothing to recognize my presence.

I look down at the doodles that have drawn on the black top of the table and wonder if Ej may have been the one who'd drawn them. They look quite elaborate and skillful to be done on a surface where they can barely be seen.

"Hi." I say quietly, trying not to sink into the abyss of anxiety.

He turns his head slightly, to figure out if I'd been talking to him. There is no emotion on his face that I can detect. There is no emotion inside of his voice when he wills himself to reply.

"Hey." He looks at me fully now, turning to observe me thoughtfully. I have a feeling that he knows that I am not done conversing with him yet.

I drop my gaze into my hands, that are wringing in my lap. I have lost sight of any plan I had formulated before walking into this classroom. Ej makes me sit on the edge of my chair for some reason that I don't quite understand. I have not been given an instruction as to how I should proceed in talking to this boy, but I would never take a straight-forward approach with anyone because I absolutely hate when people are too forward with me.

"You don't talk much." I say, taking a chance glance at his expression. It does not change at all. But something inside of his green eyes flashes to my attention. There is a sort of expectancy there, as if nothing I can say will surprise him.

"Neither do you." He replies softly, the volume of his voice is almost too low. "Is not talking a bad thing?"

"Not at all." I answer, raising my eyes a little bit more to take him in fully. I can see the initial factor that must have drawn in Rosalie's superficial attention almost immediately. I'd noticed that Ej was a very attractive boy the minute my eyes laid upon him yesterday afternoon.

His hair was a color mixture of a rich rusty-brown and a deep chestnut, and the tresses were arranged in every which way. A pattern of undefined curls and waves that were a bit too long, fell into his face to act as a cover for the vibrancy of his almond shaped eyes. They were a very verdant green and under a thick fringe of dark eyelashes. His facial structure was sharp and prominent but in a very youthful way.

"Should I speak more often then?" He proceeds to ask, curious in a very uninterested sort of way. His head tilts to the side a little as he awaits for an answer.

"No, I understand that some people are just shy about talking." I use Rosalie's word from earlier, seeming significant enough to apply it to him at this point.

"But I am not shy." He contests, lips lifting into small smile. "Sometimes I just don't want to talk.'

"That's understandable." I reply cowardly, turning back towards the front of the classroom. There was something inside of his tone that I should have listened to from the start of this conversation. I will not make him talk if he does not want to talk. I can't let myself become a nuisance on purpose for the benefit of someone else. Rosalie will just have to be disappointed.

"I did not say that I didn't want to talk to you in particular." He watches me more closely, my gaze cuts back towards his. "There are only certain people that I do not want to talk to. That is why I ignore them."

I see him allowing me the opening, the chance to turn this conversation towards the answers that Rosalie wants me to acquire. He does this on purpose. I have inferred that this boy is good with reading people's intentions.

"Why do you ignore them?" I ask lightly, slightly curious in how far he will let me indulge in his thoughts.

"Because they get on my fucking nerves." His eyes are locked on mine. Though we are talking hypothetically, we both know that in general we are talking about one person. "I do not like them."

"So, you just don't talk to the people who annoy you?"

"People like Rosalie Hale." He says, eyes narrowing a little in speculation. He watches the expression on my face and he smiles when he finds whatever he is looking for.

"Rosalie." I say, wondering if she'd be upset if she could hear this conversation between Ej and I. "She thinks that you like her. She thinks that you're playing hard to get and that you are too shy to admit it."

"That is interesting." Though, the tone of his voice indicates that it is not. He does not seem the least bit surprised with this information about Rosalie. His expression has not changed from the neutrality that he'd displayed at the beginning of class.

"What do you think about that?"

"I said that it was interesting." He chuckles to himself just a little, amusing in the way that he likes to confuse people. "What more do you want me to say?"

"Well, do you like her or not?" I am surprised at myself. I know that I would have never asked any other person a question like that. I think that I am testing the waters because I want to see a reaction out of him.

I think I have found the second factor that must have initiated Rosalie's attraction. He is extremely smart and interesting...to say the least.

"Do you think I like her?" This is called evasion and it is something that Ej seems to be quite skilled in. He likes to answer people's questions with those of his very own. That way people will end up revealing more about their thoughts and feelings than Ej does. That is why Rosalie finds him so interesting. She's probably told him every single aspect of her life, and she probably doesn't even know what the initials in his name stand for.

"I do not know." I am lying just a bit. I have extreme doubts that his feelings for her go beyond the valley of a distant acquaintance. If even that. "That is why I asked."

"Do you even like her?" There is an interest inside of him, that brings the most minute change in his expression. I have finally brought out a reaction.

"I hardly know her. I can hardly form an opinion right now."

"I knew that you were going to day something like that." He nods his head slowly, bronzed-hair falls into his face. He shakes his head to get the hair out of his eyes and results in an even more bizarre disarray than before. "You do not seem like the kind of girl that would hang out with the Hale sisters. They are nothing but Barbies."

I have heard attractive women being compared to a barbie in the way of a compliment, but the way that Ej throws this adjective at them is completely insulting.

"Barbies?"

"Oh yeah, it's my own personal way of describing them. It's nothing elaborate really." Ej lifts his shoulders in a shrug. "They are both extremely beautiful, both incredibly popular, both always smiling to hide what is really behind that beauty and popularity, and they are both the fakest things I have ever seen that are not made of plastic."

"What do you mean by that?" I realize that I am not the only person who finds Rosalie's over-abundance of happiness hard to believe. There just isn't anyone who is always smiling for no reason at all.

"You will see exactly what I mean if you keep hanging out with her." I think that Ej may have realized that he's given me too much insight on his thoughts already, so he just simply shrugs his shoulders. "I guess you have the answer to your question then."

"I had my answer before I even asked the question." I admit wryly. It does not take a genius to figure out that Ej does not like Rosalie. It's about as obvious as her feelings for him are.

"Well, do not tell her anything that I have told you." He looks at me, interested in a way. He looks as if he is determining whether or not he can believe that I will not tell Rosalie anything. This confuses me a little.

"What makes you think I was going to go back and tell her anything anyway?"

"I have my doubts that your own bought of curiosity led you to ask me that question. You wouldn't have even spoken to me had Rosalie not put you in a position where she wanted to receive answers that she is not meant to know."

"Wouldn't it be easier just to tell her how you feel?" I ask, doubting that Ej was the kind of person that could crush someone's heart. "Maybe then she would stop annoying you."

"I want to see what her next move will be." He replies, a finality in his voice that ends the conversation.

**~~~~Ej POV**

Sometimes I believe that I have lost all of my faith and confidence in mankind. People always seem to be so painfully oblivious to the things that occur in front of their own too eyes. They are not blind to the happenings. Either they are oblivious or they simply choose to ignore. I can't really see the difference though.

High school is not a place where I'd like to spend most of my life at. The premeditated excitement that every kid has when taking their first step into the high school building tends to start wearing off towards the middle of freshmen year, and it has completely wore off towards the end of sophomore year. School becomes tiresome and monotonous during junior and senior year.

All the dances that you can attend have already been attended, all the fights that you can see have already been fought, all the jokes that you can hear have already been told. And then you're still forced to sit in the same rickety chairs, at the same times, and on the same days.

Sometimes it all becomes pointless.

"Bro, are you going to skate today?" I am asked this question by Emmett McCarty. He is one of those distant skaters that pop up from time to time. He doesn't really hang out with the skaters on the daily basis because he is a jock. Sometimes he likes to take skating up as a hobby. He's cool I guess but he's not like the rest of us. "We're thinking about hitting that skate spot at Sierra Vista."

I am quite familiar with this particular place that Emmett is talking about. It isn't anything new or anything exciting for that matter. I have explored and found all of the places in Forks, Washington that can possibly be turned into a skate spot. Sierra Vista is just an apartment complex with a lot of smooth ground. There is an abundance of hills, staircases, and ledges that can be used to any skater's advantage.

I like the feeling of skating with people who share my interests, but most of the time I like the feeling of skating alone.

"When are you guys going?" I ask, leaning back in my chair. Viewing the designs that I imagining to be ingrained from the cracks inside of the ceilings. We are at lunch. This is my least favorite part of the day. Mainly because of the edge that being surrounded by way too many talking people puts me on.

"Right after school." Tyler says, through a mouthful of chili fries. This is probably the only time of the day that we'll have something eat. The fifty that he stole from his mother only got us so far with trying to feed seven people. I still can't bring myself to want to eat. "We're not riding the buses home. We all have our skateboards in our lockers so we're just going to skate straight to Sierra Vista."

"Well, I can't go then." I reply, they forget that I have other obligations to attend to besides skating. I am a year ahead of most of them and they do not understand the importance of me doing my all to graduate, especially since I am so close to the verge of failing completely. "I have to go to credit recovery remember?"

"Oh yeah," Dimitri says, he's reviewing clips of himself skating. He is the best film maker out of the entire group but his abilities in skating does not compare. I think that he is just a little bit pleased that I cannot tag along. No one likes to feel inadequate. "That sucks dude. How many credits do you have to make up?"

My mood takes a violent plunge but the others cannot see this taking effect. Only I can feel the whirlwind of anger and disappointment soaking up every other emotion inside of my body. It's not very rational. It only takes a second for the right person, to say the right words, at the right time. And then I'm that bipolar kid that everyone is afraid of setting off.

"A lot." My eyes fall to the floor but I keep my face still.

"Can't you still meet us up there when credit recovery is over?" Tyler asks, wanting me to come simply because I am his best friend. He looks at me with curiosity. "What time is it over? Don't you get finished at like four or five?"

I nod my head once, "Sometimes it depends on how much work the teacher gives me though. "I'll be finished before the sun sets. Are you guys going to skate that one spot for the entire day?"

"Probably not." Tyler replies, shaking his head and smiling. I can see that he is excited from the mere thought of skating. That is called passion. "I guess you can just skate with us tomorrow then. We're all going to the lock-in."

The lock-in is hosted at the skatepark inside of the mall. Plan-Nine is a skatepark that holds some of the competitions that we like to enter. Every second Friday of the month they host an activity where skaters can spend the entire night at the skatepark. The rest of the mall is closed and the doors are locked which emphasizes the name "lock-in". It is fun for meeting other skaters and showing off your talents. Sometimes surprise sponsors appear to look out for the best skaters.

"I'm definitely not going to be able to go to that.' I say, The lock-in cost twenty-five more dollars than I have to spend right now. Despite the money problems I still have to go see my psychiatrist tomorrow. "I'm not going to make it in time."

"The doors do not lock until six." Tyler says, and I'm guessing that one of the other skaters are going to pay his way. He definitely can't go home to ask his mom for the money. We do stuff like that for each other. "You'll get there by six even if you go to credit-recovery."

"I have to go see my doctor." Sessions generally last from up to one or three hours. It depends on how much of a dickhead the doctor is and how much money he is planning to make out of me.

"Guess you're just shit out of luck." Emmett says with a hearty chuckle, he slaps a hand down on my shoulder for comfort. "We'll bring you back some new trucks and bearings."

**~~~~US**

The rest of the school day is slower and more troubling than the first half had been. I am not bummed that I'm going to be able to skate with my friends today and tomorrow. They all can't see that I value solitude over almost everything.

I am stopped by Jasper on my way to my first credit-recovery class. I failed the entire second semester last year. That is four classes in total that I did not receive my credits to graduate from. I failed two classes my freshmen year that I never went to summer school to make up, and now I am missing six credits. Credit recovery is a school based program that only makes up for two of them. Jasper is paying close to four hundred dollars a month to keep me in night school for one day out of the week. It's all a fucked up gimmick to either get me to fail or to squeeze all of the money out of Jasper that they possibly can.

He does not have on his coat and he does not have his laptop packed up. He must be planning to stay after school today.

"Hey Ej." He greets me with a warmth that radiates from within in. There are no hard feelings harbored from yesterday. "I need you to skip credit-recovery today. I talked to your teachers and they said that they will excuse your absence."

"Do you need me to be at home for something?" I am not upset that I will not be able to stay afterschool today. It will set me back behind the other seniors who are struggling to graduate, but I will not let a set back diminish my determination.

Jasper nods his head, showing me the large stack of papers that he is holding. "I've gotten behind on grading and the quarter is coming close to an end. I'm not going to be home when Mariah and Jackson get there."

"Did Grandma return the phone call that I left her?" My Grandparents are some of the most important people in my life. I actually owe them for everything that they've done to help Masen and I over the years. "I called her last night."

"Yeah, she told me that she is going to call and talk to you tonight."

"Well, I guess I should get going. The buses already left so I have to skate home." I extend my fist towards him and he smiles before bumping his own to mine. "I guess I'll see you whenever you get home."

The school is ten minutes away from the house in a car, it is about forty-five minutes when you're walking fast, and somewhere between fifteen to twenty when you are on a skateboard.

I arrive home to an empty house. Masen and Alec are in Junior High so their school lets out an hour later than mine. Jackson and Mariah both attend the elementary school that is down Larimore Road and they get out thirty minutes after the junior high. Masen usually skates up there to get them and I meet them up there on the days that I do not have credit recovery.

An hour to myself passes quickly. There is nothing to do inside of the house. We do not have cable or internet. I have watched every possible dvd that we own. I tend to spend my time inside of my room thinking or listening to music.

I have to pass Bella Swan's house on my way to the elementary school. She is not looking out of her window when I kick past the house, I find myself kind of wishing that she was. She is an interesting person and I use the word interesting lightly. I think that she may be like me but only in certain ways. I just want to see how much will power she has when it comes to Rosalie and her golden-haired charm.

**~~~~US**

"Ej!" Mariah is the abundance of a five year old little girl. She is happy because she is ignorant of the life that she is living. There is a smile on her face that speaks wonders between the two front teeth that she is missing. "Did you have a good day at school?"

"Yeah." I reply quietly, looking down at the girl who got her mother's tanned skin but her father's bright colored hair. "What about you?"

"The fifth graders came into our classroom to read with us. Jackson read me the story of Rumpelstiltskin."

"Did you have fun too Jackson?" I inquired, watching him as he pushed alongside us on his skateboard. Alec and Masen are probably already halfway home. They liked to race each other to see who was the fastest and they raced everyday down Larimore Road.

Jackson keeps his eyes trained on the gravel, crushed beneath the weight of our feet. He is not ignorant of the life that he lives. He is the oldest ten year old boy that I have ever met. There is a quantity of sadness to his demeanor. It does not go unnoticed by me.

"I have fun reading to Mariah." He replies, attempting a kick-flip that he lands flawlessly. "I remember my mom read Rumpelstiltskin to me before. She always got the voices of the characters just right."

Jackson is like me, Masen, Tyler, and Alec but only in certain ways...

"I just wished that she'd visit sometimes." Jackson continues to say. I can tell that he is torn up inside by this. This only ruins whatever goodness I have left to my mood. The feeling of being overwhelmed with emotions is turmoil. It's suffocating and disturbing. I hope that Jackson does not grow up to deal with these problems that I have. "I haven't seen her in months."

"She loves you." It is the only thing that I can offer.

I think Jackson knows that she loves the feeling that she gets from her bong even more.

The rest of the walk is quiet. Mariah jumps in from time to time. She talks about the everyday wonders that appeal to little girls. Butterflies, pink stuff, candy, tea parties, and cartoons. Jackson stays silent at our side and I can only attempt to wonder what is going on inside of his head.

When we turn onto our street I can see that there is an unfamiliar car parked inside of our driveway. I see Masen and Alec standing with a lady that has her back turned towards us, both I know exactly who it is before she even turns around to show her face.

"Mommy!" Mariah squeals, the glee of a person who hasn't seen their mother in a very long time is evident on her face. She takes off running towards Maria with Jackson trailing right behind her. "I can't believe you're here!"

I envy them for the slightest of seconds, the thought of seeing the warmth of my mother's healthy face stretching into a smile for me is enough for red to flash before my eyes. Anguish swallows me entirely whole before I am feeling nothing but sorry for these kids that I love so much. It will only hurt them and Jasper ten times more when she leaves this time and I just know that she will.


	4. Half-pipe Dreams

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**CHAPTER FOUR:**

**~~~~EJ POV**

There is nothing more evident in my mind; as I approach one of the women that has ruined us so many times before, than the fact that this sudden arrival of hers is the beginning of something entirely too awful for us to handle right now.

She is standing inside of my driveway, leaning against a red BMW that can't possibly belong to her. I know that she can not even hope to afford an automobile this ostentatious, considering the fact that she does not have a steady job or any steady flow of income for that matter. Prostitution will only get you so far in this small town.

The placid expression on her face is a horrible disguise that I rip to complete shreds with my all-too-knowing eyes. Long dark hair that used to cascade down her back is pulled up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She is trying to hide the fact that those pretty brown tresses are incredibly oily with neglect, swollen lips are glossed with just the slightest shade of pink to sugar coat her smile when she greets the people that she has stepped on too many times before, and large sun glasses cover her dark brown eyes to make sure that her kids do not know what is underneath them like I do.

Her pupils are dilated to the point where they could be no larger. Her eyes are not rimmed red from allergies or exhaustion, but from the drug that courses throughout her bloodstream as she tells her them that they mean the world to her.

Lies are not dirty when they come from out of her mouth. This particular drug addict creates the filthiest of lies.

"Edward." She smiles when she sees me, not taking into account the abrupt halt in my trek towards her when she acknowledges me by my actual name. This sends heat bubbling into my veins and I hate her so much more than I could have possibly imagined. "Long time, no see."

I feel my eyes narrowing beyond my own control but Maria gives me no indication that the glare I'm wearing especially for her, is phasing her in the slightest bit. Maria is used to be scrutinized and judged. She is the most beautiful disaster that I have ever witnessed.

"Maria." I will myself to say. I try not to spit her name out of my mouth in disgust. "What are you doing here?"

It is not as if she has fooled me with her unannounced appearance. I already know the answer to my question. It is meant to be rhetorical. I've never been so sure of anything else in my life, but I want to witness just how easily this woman can tell a lie to my fucking face.

"Well, I came to see you guys of course." Her smile is faker than plastic, more unreal than both of the Hale sisters combined. She can't not know that I see right fucking through her poorly constructed facade. She is completely made of glass. "I've been missing you all."

"Really?" My eyes flash towards the two children who have been dying to see their mother and that is one of the only reasons that I force myself to hold my tongue. I do not want them to see the truth that is behind everything that their mother tells them. I do not want to be the one to expose her as a fraud, I definitely do not want to see them getting upset right after I have witnessed a delight in them that I do not see too often. "Well, I'm glad that you decided to drop by. How long are you planning to stay?"

"I want to see Jasper." Her eyes twinkle with a manipulator's purpose, and I just know that she is planning to devour Jasper's heart. "He hasn't been able to return any of my phone calls."

"Come on mommy!" Mariah pulls on Maria's arm with a bright smile, her mother is a queen inside of her eyes. I do not plan on corrupting the ignorant view of a five year old optimist. But inside, I cringe from the horrible perception that Mariah has of her mother. Maria does not deserve to be idolized. "I want you to see something that I made at school yesterday."

"Okay baby." Maria uses her daughter as an escape route.

I watch her in disgust as she saunters into the house with her son and daughter trailing behind her.

"Wow, I can't believe that she is actually back." Masen mutters, nudging Alec in the in the shoulder. I can see the surprise written all over his expression, which contradicts the way that I am feeling completely. Maria did not fool me for a second when she left last time. I knew that she was going to be right back knocking at our doorstep whenever she needed something from Jasper again. "This is going to be so bad."

"Why do you say that?" Alec queries, as he sits down on his board. He looks towards the house and watches Maria in curiosity. He knows who she is but he doesn't know what she is, or what she does to people that are fooled by her. "Mariah and Jackson seem thrilled."

I look down at Alec, understanding the fact that he will never know how it feels to miss a mother. "So, you did realize how happy they are right?"

He nods his head, looking up at me with his undivided attention. "Well, imagine them feeling a devastation to that same degree."

"That is how they're going to feel when she leaves them again." Masen clarifies, falling into a sitting position beside his best friend. There is a softness on his face that emphasizes the soft spot that he has for his cousins. He feels sorry for them more than he feels sorry for himself. That is selfless considering the things that he's been through in his fourteen years of life. "And that is exactly what she is going to do."

"How do you know?" Alec nudges him, smiling wryly.

Masen lifts his shoulder in an indifferent shrug. "Because that is what she always does."

~~~~US

Jasper does not arrive home until after seven-thirty or somewhere close to around that time. Everyone is sitting inside of the living room waiting for him to get back besides me. I have locked myself away in the confines of my room because I just cannot stand to be out there with that women.

My insides are turning into knots and I have a very queasy feeling in the very pit of my stomach. I also cannot stand the thought of him allowing her an entry back into his life, let along his children's lives. I know that he won't be strong enough to turn her away and she'll ruin everything that we've been working so hard to establish since the last time everything went to shit.

I am just receiving a call back from my grandmother when I hear Jasper shuffling his way through the front door.

"Hello Edward." My grandmother may be the only person who is allowed to call me by my actual name. I do not get upset with her anymore when she refuses to acknowledge be by my nickname. She is old fashioned. "Sweetheart, did you call me yesterday?"

"Yeah." I move closer to my bedroom door, I sit on the floor and lean against my dresser. I can hear all that is going on in the living room as well as my grandmother. "Grandpa answered the phone. He told me that you were out at the grocery store."

"Yes, I was getting things for this weekend. I want to have all of you over for dinner." I can hear a smile in her voice that I can almost picture on her face. Her glee warms something inside of me, but not enough to forget what is outside the door that I am next to. "What did you need to talk to me for anyway?"

I open my mouth to respond but I have no words to say, when I hear Maria greeting Jasper like they are on especially good terms. The kids have already been instructed to go downstairs. They cannot be allowed to hear Jasper calling their mother out on her lies.

"What are you doing here Maria?" His voice is tight and uneasy, I can only imagine that his heart is exploding inside of his chest. He is probably terrified of this woman. He knows that she can ruin him with a single word. "I told you not to come back."

"I want to be a family Jasper. I had time to think about it." She is such a dishonest truth-teller. "I'm tired of being weak but I can't do this by myself. You have to help me baby. I need to be in my children's lives. I need to be in your life."

"Maria...I can't." I hear the crack inside of his resolve already, a resolve that never even existed. "If you leave again..."

"I won't." She insists, much too quickly. "I'm ready to be clean this time."

"Edward, are you still there?" My grandmother pulls my attention back towards her, and I remember why I called her in the first place. "Do you need to tell me something?"

"My father sent me another letter." I say, looking down. The carpet beneath my feet is dirty. It looks blackened like my heart feels. "This is the tenth time that he's tried to reach me through mail so far."

"What are you going to do about it this time?" She asks curiously, knowing that my answer will be the same as last time. "Are you going to ignore his advances again?"

"What else do you think I'm going to do? He was never there for us Grandma." I try to shake away the anger and the pain that I know will come, I want to get rid of all traces of it before it starts to take over me. I can slowly feel those ill feelings leaking inside, replacing everything else that can possibly stand for happiness. "He left us when I was five. If he would of stayed in my life maybe she wouldn't have broken down. Maybe I'd still have a mother."

"Now, don't you do that Edward." She says sternly, I can imagine that she is wearing something of a reprimanding expression as she speaks to me. "You have no right to blame your father for the mistakes that your mother made. You need to stop being so darn stubborn and contact that man. Too much pride will get you nowhere Edward."

A silence falls between us as I involuntarily shake my head, refusal is the only thing that I can hold onto at this moment.

"You're just like your mother. Always letting that big head of yours get in the way and holding onto grudges with all of your might." She proceeds to say, softening the tone of her words but not the content. "Holding onto anger is a poison Edward. It eats you from inside. While you think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed you, It is really just a curved blade. And the harm you do, you only do it to yourself."

"I just don't want to put myself through the same notion again. It's emotional turmoil Grandma." My eyelids fall over my eyes and darkness consumes me all around. I do not expect my Grandma to understand where I am coming from. There's not a single person that just understands. "I am about to be eighteen in June. I feel like it's too late for him to try and step in now."

"It is never too late for you to get to know your father. I just don't think that you're ready to take that step yet." There is empathy in her voice. "And you don't have to do anything that you're not ready to do. Did Jasper get you situated with that new doctor?"

"Yeah." I reply shortly. I do not want to talk about my psychiatrists, or the mood disorders, or the tests. This stuff consumes my life more than my illness does.

"How have you been feeling lately?" She then asks, and this is just standard routine. I wonder what she expects to hear me say. In all actuality, not all that much has changed. "Is the medication helping you to think more clearer?"

I do not tell her that I have not been taking my medication. That would start a riot between her and Jasper, and Jasper definitely has his own troubles to worry about right now.

"I guess so." Maria is not the only person that can lie and not feel bad about it.

"So, when is your first session with your new doctor?"

"Tomorrow, after I get out of school. Jasper is going to drop me off over there and then I have to stop by the library before I head back home."

"Do you want me to pick you up from the library when you are done?" She asks nicely, and I know that she would do absolutely anything for me. I don't have a clue why thinking about this fact pushes me deeper into the pit of devastation. "I can take you to go get something to eat and you can spend the night over my house. Jasper told me that the boys are going to some skate event tomorrow night. I'm guessing that you're not going to be able to attend?"

"I'm not upset about it." I clarify truthfully, I've been to too many of those skate lock-ins to be bothered by missing one. There's always next month. Besides, there is way too much on my mind now to even enjoy myself. I feel like it's one of those times when I just want to retreat and get away from everything. "I have a lot of homework to catch up on anyway."

"I like how responsible you are becoming Edward. Keep up the good work." There is some sort of delight in her voice. She is one of the only reasons that I even put myself through all of the bull shit. She has done so much for me and the least I could in return is graduate high school. She wants to see me succeed more than she probably wants to breathe. "Edward it's getting close to eight. I have to start getting ready to pick your grandfather up from work."

"Okay." I reply,trying to switch my attention back onto what's going on between Jasper and Maria in the living room.

"Honey, I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"Bye." The dial tone ends the conversation faster than I do.

Outside of my room it is still. It has gone completely quiet beyond the barrier that my door makes between me and whatever is outside it, I do not dare open the door though. I already know what I will find if I do. There will be ruminants of the battle of wills that just went on in my living room, and when I see Jasper staring at Maria like she never even broke his heart before I will know that he's the one that lost the battle.

I cannot deal with them right now. I do not feel right. There is a hollowness in the pit of my stomach and it makes me want to kill myself. That feeling alone makes me want to run as far away as I can to get away from it, I just want to skate until my legs get sore and then skate some more. Or maybe take a gun and just end it all. That feeling wakes me up at night, shakes my body involuntarily, produces salt water which intends to pour from out of my eyes, and makes all of my repressions spring back to the surface.

I cannot control it. So I lock myself inside of my room for the night. And I try to sleep it all away.

In the morning, I am only awaken by the sound of someone knocking on my bedroom door. I glance at the clock to see that I have already missed my school bus. I almost consider the thought of staying at home. I would just love to spend a day in solitude, skating away my worries. But I just cannot afford to miss anymore days. I will have to skate to school now.

"Hey bro." Tyler's voice is groggy on the outside of my door, I wonder what time he got here last night. I wonder what all he got to witness of the confusion. "Are you going to school today?"

"Yeah." I reply, sitting up. "We're going to have to skate."

"Maria said that she'll drop us off."

My heart stills for the briefest of moments, before it has begun it's rhythmic pounding against my chest. Tyler has already pulled the plug that keeps my contentedness inside. I can actually feel the happiness leaking out of me and the feeling is very dangerous. That hollow is starting to form in my stomach.

The very mentioning of her name is enough to disturb me.

"She said that she'll stop by McDonald's and get us some breakfast too." He sounds way too ecstatic this morning.

I want to go right back to sleep and redo these first five minutes over. Now I know that either way, I will have to go to school in this deflated mood and the people around me will not think to give me the space that I am going to require. The thought of being surrounded by so many people almost makes me cringe with anxiousness.

"Actually." I say quietly, looking down at my hands. "I think I'm going to stay home."

"Are you sure?" He asks curiously, he doesn't suspect anything out of the ordinary like Jasper would have. "You're going to miss another day of credit recovery?"

"I really don't care." This is when things start to get bad, when I start to disregard the consequences that may or may not occur from my actions. Sometimes I get to a point where some things just don't matter to me anymore. I become so upset that everything just seems pointless. "When you see Jasper today tell him that I stayed home from school."

"Alright." He says, footsteps fading and heading towards the direction of the bathroom. I am surprised that he is not surprised to see Maria back inside of this house. I guess I am not the only one who doubted her claim when she told Jasper that he'd never see her again.

~~~~US

I must have fallen back to sleep a second time. Dreaming is the only way that I can get away from the troubles in my life, sometimes I wish that I could dream forever but sadly there is only one way for that wish to come true. I seem to open my eyes at noon. My dream world dissipates in front of my very eyes and is replaced with reality all too quickly.

I am close to starving when I get out of the bed and my hunger is the only thing that prompts me to leave my room, otherwise I would have stayed trapped within the protective walls of my bedroom. My stomach is winding and unwinding itself in painful knots, trying to figure out how to alert me to its appetite. There is no food in the house, nothing very spectacular to choose from, but today is Friday which means that Jasper will pay the rent today. He will use any money that he has left over to buy groceries. Next week when the food runs out again, we'll have to wait another two weeks before he saves up enough to replenish it.

I find a box of strawberry poptarts hidden in the very back of the cupboard that is above the kitchen sink. I don't have to wonder which one of my family members went through the notion of hiding them from everyone else. There is only one person who loves strawberry poptarts more than they love breathing.

I almost feel bad for eating Masen's last one but my stomach is bothering me way too much for me to even consider putting them back into their hiding spot.

"Are you hungry Edward?" Maria's voice grates on the edge of my nerves, her presence gets underneath my skin and festers there for entertainment. There are no words to describe how quickly and violently my defenses go up. This lady is not a friend, an ally, nor is she a foe. She is absolutely nothing to me and there is absolutely nothing that she can say to make the things that she did in the past go away. I can forgive her but I know that I never will allow myself to do it. "I can take you to go get something to eat."

"I don't want anything from you." I reply sharply, I turn to look at her reaction. She does not seem thrown, everything about her is ridiculously nonchalant.

"Don't you think that we should try to be cordial to each other?" I almost barf at her excellent display of fake sincerity. She's making my stomach turn into even more knots and my appetite is drifting further and further away.

"Do you think you deserve my kindness?" I inquire, I am not curious for her answer but I want to hear what she has to say. "Do you know how much pain you've caused this family? I can't understand why you keep coming back to do the same thing."

"I want to change." She doesn't need a script to read from. She has already memorized all of her lines and she recites them flawlessly. "I want to be there for my children."

"Why?" This is the most difficult question that I have ever asked someone to answer.

"What do you mean why?" She asks, as if I should already have the answer to my question. "Because I love them."

"You're a liar." I am accusing her of something and she knows exactly what it is. My eyes narrow and I watch her brown orbs widen from the content of my bluntness. "You don't love them. You don't love Jasper. You don't even love yourself Maria. The only thing that you love is the feeling of being high and you're going to ruin everybody's lives by using us to get back to that feeling."

"You don't know me Ej." She finally wills herself to say, I can see that I have offended her in some way. All I do is speak the truth in it's harshest form. Maybe she is just startled because she hadn't expected someone to catch onto her motives so quickly. "You know absolutely nothing about me."

"I do know you." My gaze is upon hers, studying the anger in her expression. I am still impartial to her feelings however. It isn't as if she's gone to great lengths at taking extra special care of Jasper's feelings or her children's feelings. "I know you all the way from the outside to the very end of your rotten core."

"I would think that you could be at least a little bit sympathetic, your mother and I aren't too far..."

"Don't fucking talk about my mom!" My heart has been pierced by an insult that she didn't even get to finish, I cut her off but not before every repugnant feeling that I harbor for her multiplies into something highly dangerous and winding. It is an absolute abomination for her to even consider comparing herself to my mother. "She's nothing like you Maria."

In the next second, Maria shows me just how easy it is for her to ruin people. Her mouth twitches only into a fraction of a smile, there is something taunting on the edge of her brow. "Are you sure?"

My gaze falls away from hers, I am about to self-destruct. A sensitive topic doesn't exist when the topic is my mother. It is more than sensitive. It is detrimental.

I shake my head silently, I have thought of a million and one profanities to call her. I have thought of any few words that will kill her self-esteem, destroy the rest of her smug mood, or show her how she's made me feel. I find no point in the reward of giving her the indication that she has gotten to me. I walk past her and I say absolutely nothing. I head straight towards my room to get dressed. I cannot be around her any longer.

I have to go skate because I know that if I don't something horrible will happen within the suffocating walls of this broken household.

I grab my board, I grab my keys, and I do my best to grab a hold on my sanity. The noon air is tantalizing in the way that it whips against my face as I push myself further away from my problems. The cold is almost an instantaneous relief, I can barely feel how chilled my body has become so quickly. I have no foresight of where I am going. There are no thoughts in my head beside the one that is propelling me to move forward and not look back.

I fly pass an infinite amount of houses. They all look to same to me, a mere blur of cascading colors. I find myself cruising towards the train tracks and getting closer to the picture perfect part of Forks. The skate park seems to be my current destination. The weight that is surrounding my psyche gets lighter the closer I cruise towards the park. There are not a lot of people here. Most of the skaters in Forks are in high school so that means all of them are at school right now. There are two guys on the half-pipe. One of them is filming and the other is vert skating.

I pay them little attention as I glide towards the rails. I am focused on the way my wheels create friction against the smooth gravel. The familiar sound is comforting in a way. I put my earphones inside of my ears, turn my music up so that the outside noise is blocked, and then the entire world disappears around me.

My board lifts off of the ground at my command. It is flipping in speeds almost too quick for the human eyes to catch and then we are sliding down a rail of twelve stairs. I land the trick as easily as I knew I would. It is like second nature to me. Skating is how easy breathing should be for me.

I take notice that the other skaters around the park are taking a notice in me. The two that I spotted when I arrived are looking at me intently. Their watchful eyes do nothing to intimidate me especially since I am in such an irritated mood. I do not care about anything right now and that is the complete truth. I continue on with my skating but I decide to give my two onlookers a little show since they are so obviously interested in my expertise.

I take off running at first, holding my board at an angle where the back wheels are rolling on the ground as I move forward. When I reach the speed that suits my needs for this trick, I hop onto the board. I am soaring towards a medium size ledge that prolongs into a bridge to the other side of the park where the vert skaters are stationed. I heel-flip onto the ledge, lifting the front of my board and reversing my kick-flip. Then I am on my way across the bridge, I fly past the other skaters, and keep my balance as I glide up the edge of the ramp.

Skating on ramps is my least favorite variation compared to streets and rails, but that does not mean that I'm any less proficient at this style. Over the years, I like to say that I have mastered all three of these. That does not mean that I cannot get any better. I am definitely not the best skater in the world but I know that I am good enough to go pro.

I ride down the length of the ramp and complete a 360 when I come up on the other end. Afterwards, I have to sit and take a small break because I am out of breath. My legs still hurt from the exhaustion of my video shoot. I am upset that I did not think to bring anything to drink with me. I let my feet hang over the edge and I look down into the bowl in contemplation. Skating only takes my mind off of things when I am in action. The second I take a moment to rest everything crashes back into me with full force.

I almost do not notice my onlookers when they approach me.

One of them says something. They both do not realize that I cannot hear them. I do not take my ear buds out yet. I take a few seconds to observe them first. The one that was skating is average in height and dark haired. He wears ripped skinny jeans, busted vans, and a beanie. He is a signature kid for skaters everywhere. He looks to be about nineteen or twenty. The other guys looks to be closer to Jasper's age. He has whitish blond hair that stops at his neck. He is pale and less friendly looking than the dark-haired guy.

When his lips stops moving and it seems that they are awaiting my response, I take my ear buds out of my ears. "What did you say?"

The dark-haired guy chuckles lightly. "I just came over to introduce myself. I like to meet fellow skaters especially ones that are good."

"I'm Ej." I say casually, though my tone is a bit flat. I do not feel like talking right now and I want these two to get that indication.

"I am Riley Biers." He replies, then he gestures at the guy that had been filming him. "And this is Cauis Volturi. I just won a competition down in Port Angeles about two months ago and I got sponsored by OC Ramps."

This information naturally strikes my interest. I take another observation of these two guys to see if I should believe them or not.

"What were you filming over there?" I ask curiously, looking up at this guy with more scrutiny than before. If he really has accomplished the reality that is still a dream for me, I want to know if he possesses something that I do not because I need to have everything that I need mentally and physically by the time the next competition rolls around.

"Pieces for a commercial that the company is working on." The guy takes a seat beside me. There is a friendly air around him. He smiles lightly when he looks at me. "Are you trying to get sponsored soon?"

"Yeah." I make this admittance without hesitation. Skating is one of the things that make my life bearable. I will do this for a living if I get lucky enough. "The next competition in Forks is coming up in December. This is the last year I'll be able to compete in the amateur category."

"Are you graduating this year?"

"I am supposed to be." I do not know how credit recovery and night school will work out. This is one of those days when I feel like a failure if I think about how close I actually am to making my worst nightmares come true. So many people in my life have failed right in front of my eyes and I'd honestly rather die than become like them.

Riley Biers smiles lightly, he thinks that I am joking. "You should come to Kirkland with us one of these days. There are so many more opportunities down there than here in Forks. Do you have a cell number?"

"My phone isn't turned on at the moment." I shake my head slowly, sweat sustained hair is stuck to my forehead. I look at the two of them wryly. "But I have it with me. I can store your number into my contacts."

"That's cool." Riley agrees indifferently, I decide that so far he is an okay person. I have to be around him a couple more times before I can draw my final conclusion however. The best way for me to get to know somebody is by skating with them. "Are you doing something this weekend?"

"Yeah." I reply, I am spending some time with my grandmother. I can't keep putting my plans off with her. I owe her and for some reason she wants to be re-payed by spending quality time with me. "But I can give you a call in a couple of days and we can probably go skate somewhere. Are you from around here?"

"Nah, I grew up in Santa Fe." He nods his head a little. I can sense a bit of nostalgia in his eyes and smile. There must be something good waiting for him back home. Sometimes being sponsored requires you to travel around a lot. It depends on how the company wants to use you for their endorsement. "I've always lived in the southwest along the pacific coast. I'm thinking about going part-time at Oregon University but my schedule is pretty tight now. We're only here in Washington for the next few months."

"I can show you some of the hidden skate spots around here while you're in town." There is nothing more refreshing than meeting a new skater, though I can't quite stop myself from doubting my abilities to accomplish anything near close to what Riley is doing. The thought makes something inside of me shatter. I think it was the one ounce of optimism that I had left.

"That would be awesome. I've been pretty bored around here." Riley takes a glance at his phone. The time must have startled him because he quickly gives me his number and tells me that he has somewhere to be at one-thirty. It is about fifteen minutes to one and I guess they have some ways to go.

They leave and I am alone again with a scarce hour to kill. I put my ear buds back into my ears and resume where I left off. I do not decide to start heading home until after two-thirty and I take my time getting there. I walk because my stomach is cramped from hunger and I have completely exhausted myself physically.

Jasper's car is parked in the driveway when I get there. I enter the house to find Jasper sitting on the couch with Maria perched innocently on top of his lap. Her eyes meet mine almost immediately which initiates the intense stare down that transpires between the two of us. We are both on two completely different sides and Jasper is stuck in the middle.

"Why didn't you go to school today?" Jasper's voice is tired, his gaze is stern and unhappy. I am not fooled. I know that Maria must have told him some type of lie about me by now. I can feel a tension within him that is aimed towards me.

''I didn't feel like going." I reply dryly, this is the beginning of my mind game.

"So, that's it huh?" Jasper shakes his golden head. A pale contrast from the dark mane that falls in front of Maria's dainty shoulders. "You just do what you feel like doing and say fuck everything else?"

A tight-lipped smile falls onto my face. "Why do you care anyway? It's not your life."

This succeeds in upsetting Jasper. He pushes Maria off of his lap and stands up. He is the type of person that bottles things up. He is like me but only in certain ways. He waits until everything builds up inside of him and then he explodes when it gets to the last straw. He is under a tremendous amount of pressure and does not always take his anger out in the right way. He is still young and learning. I don't blame him really.

"Not my life? What the hell is that supposed to mean Ej?" He throws his hands up to the height of the volume that his voice is reaching. I can see him falling apart behind those sad blue eyes. "What life do I possibly have taking care of four kids and all of their friends that need help? Of course it's not my life. My life is over. I made too many mistakes that I can't take back but you still have a chance. I'll be damned if I let you end up like me."

"What about Jackson and Mariah then?" I ask, I am only being spiteful because Jasper is being a complete idiot for allowing that bitch back into our house. He is affecting more than just his life with his careless decisions.

"What about them?" He inquires, taking a moment to glance at their destructive mother. "I am doing the best that I possibly can to provide for them."

"No you are not. You are enabling them to be around the worst kind of influence on the entire planet. She is their mother and everyone wants to look up to their mother. Jackson is going to grow up thinking it's alright to let women walk all over him and Mariah is going to turn into a slut. You are the most selfish individual that I have ever met in my entire life."

The next thing that happens is uncalled for but it is not completely unexpected. Jasper grabs me in a split second. He fists the fabric of my hoodie and shoves me against the wall that is adjacent to the front door. A dull ache in my back is my body's warm welcoming to being slammed against the wall. He holds me there in anger and I do absolutely nothing to stop him. I can see him cracking.

"Don't fucking speak about my children like that." There is angry salt water behind his eyes. I do not feel sorry for him at this particular moment. My eyes are narrowed onto his. I am waiting for him to retaliate. "My children won't end up like you and Masen. Both of you are two fucked up kids and I don't know why I even waste my time slaving away to put a roof over your head, pay for your mother's hospital bills, and pay for all of the shit that you two always fuck up. I didn't ask for this life Ej or this responsibility so fuck you. I'd be better off alone with Maria and our kids."

Words hurt more than any punch can. A refugee tear slides from my eyes and I wipe it away in revulsion. The front door swings open next and in comes Masen and Alec. They stop in their treks when they take in the scenario but they don't dare ask questions. Their boards are dropped onto the floor, wheels clanking against the tile of the entry-way. My brother's green eyes land on mine and I give him a look to let him know that everything is fine.

"Come on Ej." Jasper releases me swiftly coming to his senses. "I need to take you to see your doctor."


End file.
